Divorce, Kids, and the Hidden Dangers Nobody Wants to Talk About

Let’s be honest: divorce is not rare in America. It is almost ordinary. For people ages 25 to 45, the years when many are raising young children, divorce happens a lot. And when it does, kids are the ones carrying the weight.

Divorce, Kids, and the Hidden Dangers Nobody Wants to Talk About

Divorce by the Numbers

Almost 39% of marriages end in divorce (Cohen, 2019). The lifetime odds are closer to 42–45% (Raley & Sweeney, 2020). In other words, nearly half of couples will not stay together. And since most divorces happen when people are in their 20s, 30s, and 40s, children are usually part of the story.

As a therapist, I know numbers are not just numbers. They are kids sitting in my office, parents wondering what went wrong, and families stretched to the breaking point.

Do People Regret Divorce?

Here is something important: not everyone who divorces feels relief. Studies show that about half of divorced individuals regret their divorce (Brown & Lin, 2012). Many regret because of the pain it caused their children, the financial stress, or because they still loved their partner.

So why do they not go back? Because the divorce process itself builds walls that are almost impossible to climb over.

• The fights during divorce often create deep resentment and mistrust.

• Financial and custody battles leave scars that do not heal.

• New partners and blended families create complications that close the door to reconciliation.

Divorce is not just a legal separation, it is a psychological one. By the time the papers are signed, most couples cannot imagine going back, even if they regret leaving.

The Stepparent Risk

Here is the part that should make every parent pause. When a child lives with a stepparent or an unrelated adult, the risks are not just higher, they are shocking.

• Children under 5 living with unrelated adults are almost 50 times more likely to die from inflicted injury compared to those living with both biological parents (Schnitzer & Ewigman, 2005).

• The risk of fatal accidental injury is about six times higher in these homes (Stiffman, Schnitzer, Adam, Kruse, & Ewigman, 2002).

• Stepchildren under 5 are 2 to 15 times more likely to die from accidents such as drowning than children living with both biological parents (Daly & Wilson, 1998).

• Research shows that children in stepfamilies are at higher risk of physical abuse and neglect, often because new adults in the home do not have the same biological bond (Raley & Sweeney, 2020).

• A large study found that children living with stepparents report higher rates of emotional stress, depression, and behavioral problems compared to those in intact biological families (Amato, 2014).

• Even when there is no abuse, children in blended families often struggle with loyalty conflicts, feeling torn between parents and stepparents, which increases anxiety and lowers academic performance (Hetherington & Kelly, 2002).

This is sometimes called the Cinderella effect. But let’s be honest, it is not a fairy tale, it is a nightmare.

Think of it this way: bringing a new adult into the home does not just add one more person at the dinner table. It changes the entire safety net for a child. It can raise risks in ways that are invisible until it is too late.

What Couples Can Do

I am not telling anyone to stay in a toxic marriage just to avoid divorce. What I am saying is this: too many marriages break because couples never deal with the deeper issues. Old trauma, stress, and miscommunication eat away at the foundation until there is nothing left.

The good news is there are ways to stop this before it gets that far:

• Couples therapy: Call it CPR for relationships. It is not small talk, it is survival.

• Individual trauma therapy like EMDR: Divorce often stirs up old wounds. Heal those and you become a stronger partner and parent.

• Conscious parenting plans: If divorce is unavoidable, your child’s safety and stability should come before your next romance.

As a Marriage and Family Therapist, I can tell you: marriages do not usually explode out of nowhere. They fade when people stop investing in them. And just a little effort can make all the difference.

Final Word

Divorce is common, but it is never harmless. For kids, the risks can be life changing or even life ending. For parents, the choice is clear. Invest in healing now or watch the risks multiply later.

Ready to Take the Next Step?If you are curious about whether EMDR therapy is right for you, I would love to connect.

📧 Email: levlelevcenter@gmail.com📞 Call/Text: 805-267-9284🌐 Website: www.milevlelev.com

Reach out today to start your journey toward healing.

References

Amato, P. R. (2014). The consequences of divorce for adults and children: An update. Drustvena Istrazivanja, 23(1), 5–24. https://doi.org/10.5559/di.23.1.01

Brown, S. L., & Lin, I. F. (2012). The gray divorce revolution: Rising divorce among middle-aged and older adults, 1990–2010. The Journals of Gerontology, Series B: Psychological Sciences and Social Sciences, 67(6), 731–741. https://doi.org/10.1093/geronb/gbs089

Cohen, P. N. (2019). The coming divorce decline. Socius: Sociological Research for a Dynamic World, 5, 1–6. https://doi.org/10.1177/2378023119873497

Daly, M., & Wilson, M. (1998). The truth about Cinderella: A Darwinian view of parental love. Yale University Press.

Hetherington, E. M., & Kelly, J. (2002). For better or for worse: Divorce reconsidered. W. W. Norton & Company.

Raley, R. K., & Sweeney, M. M. (2020). Divorce, repartnering, and stepfamilies: A decade in review. Journal of Marriage and Family, 82(1), 81–99. https://doi.org/10.1111/jomf.12651

Schnitzer, P. G., & Ewigman, B. G. (2005). Child deaths resulting from inflicted injuries: Household risk factors and perpetrator characteristics. Pediatrics, 116(5), e687–e693. https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2005-0296

Stiffman, M. N., Schnitzer, P. G., Adam, P., Kruse, R. L., & Ewigman, B. G. (2002). Household composition and risk of fatal child maltreatment. Pediatrics, 109(4), 615–621. https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.109.4.615