"The Quality of Our Life Depends on the Quality of Our Relationships"

Esther Perel once said: “The quality of our life depends on the quality of our relationships.”It is a simple sentence, yet it carries deep truth. No matter how strong or independent we are, our sense of peace and fulfillment is shaped by the people we love and the connections we build.

Perel, a world-renowned psychotherapist and the daughter of Holocaust survivors, grew up surrounded by people who had lived through unimaginable trauma. As a child, she noticed that some survivors were alive but seemed emotionally dead, while others somehow found the courage to live fully again, to laugh, love, and rebuild. That difference stayed with her. It taught her that survival is not the same as living.

For Perel, relationships are what bring us back to life after pain. They give meaning to survival. When she says that the quality of our life depends on the quality of our relationships, she is reminding us that connection is what keeps us emotionally alive. Whether it is with a partner, a friend, or a family member, our relationships give life its warmth, energy, and color.

Research supports what Esther Perel has been saying all along. A global review found that people who have meaningful connections are happier and more satisfied with life. For example, young adults who reported having at least one close person were 16 percent more satisfied than those who had no close relationships (World Happiness Report, 2025). It is not about having hundreds of friends online, but about having one real connection that makes a measurable difference.

Another study compared college students in the United States, where independence is highly valued, and in Malaysia, where community and family are central. The results were the same: strong friendships were linked to greater happiness in both groups (Demir & Özdemir, 2010). The way people connect may differ across cultures, but the message is universal: we all need meaningful relationships to feel happy and alive.

As a therapist, I have also noticed a concerning shift among mothers. Despite how much we know about the importance of community, fewer women are joining local mommy groups. This is surprising given that research shows how many mothers feel lonely. Studies reveal that 32 to 42 percent of pregnant women and new mothers experience loneliness during the transition to parenthood (Baldwin et al., 2022). Another national survey found that 66 percent of parents say the demands of parenthood often feel isolating, and 38 percent feel they have no one to support them in their parenting role (Ohio State University College of Nursing, 2024).

A local doula recently shared with me that attendance at her mother-and-baby groups has dropped dramatically. She used to run several weekly classes, but now she is lucky if one fills. When I asked where all the mothers have gone, she said, “They have friends on Facebook.”

These women are building keyboard relationships, but we know that online “friends” are not the same as real-life support. In fact, studies show that heavy social media use by parents, especially when they already feel lonely or anxious, is linked to higher psychological distress (Perrin et al., 2024). Digital connection can be comforting in small moments, but it cannot replace shared laughter, eye contact, or the warmth of being in the same room.

As a foreigner raising children in the U.S., I was often surprised by how much value American families place on their children’s sports compared to simple time with friends. Back home, social connection was the heart of childhood. Here, trying to arrange a spontaneous after-school playdate felt like scheduling a wedding. I still remember one mom from my third grader’s class asking at the end of May if June 23 would work for a playdate. I was speechless. My honest answer was, “Who knows if I’ll even be alive then?” Needless to say, I did not agree to plan that far ahead, because who really knows what life will look like by then?

That moment reminded me of Perel’s lesson: we often get so busy managing life that we forget to actually live it. Relationships are not built in our calendars; they grow in the messy, real, unplanned moments of connection.

Take a moment to ask yourself: how are my relationships today? Do I feel seen, understood, and valued, and do I make others feel the same?Because as Esther Perel’s life and work show, surviving is not enough. To truly live, we must choose connection again and again.

If you are struggling in your relationship, feeling disconnected, or simply want to build a deeper and more fulfilling bond with your partner or loved ones, I invite you to contact me at www.milevlelev.com. Together we can work on creating the connection that helps you truly live, not just survive.

References

Baldwin, S., Malone, M., & Sandall, J. (2022). Loneliness and social isolation during pregnancy and early parenthood: A systematic review. BMC Pregnancy and Childbirth, 22(1), 698. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12884-022-04931-9

Demir, M., & Özdemir, M. (2010). Friendship, need satisfaction, and happiness among college students: A cross-cultural investigation. The Journal of Social Psychology, 150(5), 527–542. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224540903368547

Ohio State University College of Nursing. (2024, May 1). New survey finds loneliness epidemic runs deep among parents. https://nursing.osu.edu/news/2024/05/01/new-survey-finds-loneliness-epidemic-runs-deep-among-parents

Perrin, S. B., Smith, C. A., & Lin, J. (2024). Parental social media use and psychological distress: The role of loneliness and parenting anxiety. Journal of Affective Disorders Reports, 15, 101254. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/39392705

World Happiness Report. (2025). Connecting with others: How social connections improve the happiness of young adults. Retrieved from https://worldhappiness.report

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